Pity Party

I'm throwing myself a pity party. Woe is me. You see, every time that Max leaves to Europe on business, something bad happens. The first trip, I set off his car alarm, couldn't get it to stop, and then got a speeding ticket on my way to teach kindergarten (I know that was my fault, but in my defense we had just moved to the area and I was going an okay speed for one street over). While he was away on another trip, I had a scorpion crawl across my bare foot. It was only the second scorpion I had ever seen (the first I literally pulled out of my purse thinking it was a rubber band when Max was also gone). Then there was the shelf of vases that crashed at 1:00am. I slept with the lights on that night.

There were a few trips there in which nothing bad happened, which is why (I think) so many terrible things are happening on this trip. They're making up for it. On Saturday, I saw a snake. "Oh, pish posh" you might say. You've probably seen a snake. But, have you seen one while walking (barefoot yet again) in the hallway outside your bedroom? Yep, right there on the floor, next to my bare feet, a writhing snake. I have taken to wearing shoes in the house now. I was so startled and then horrified that I jumped on our bed and wouldn't get down. Max listened to me cry over the phone, then set me up on a call with Bryan, the Snake Whisperer. Apparently Bryan is certified by the county to safely and ethically remove snakes. By this time, I had lost the snake. I had no idea where it had went. Bryan didn't seem to be too concerned about my snake - I described it to him and he said that it wasn't dangerous, and since I couldn't see it, it had probably made its way back outside. He said that he could come, but it would be a waste of $120 because he most likely wouldn't be able to find it either. I had to sleep the next two nights alone, thinking about snakes (with the lights on, of course).

Sunday morning I woke up after a particularly horrifying snake dream, only to find another snake lying still by the wall across from the bed. Max thinks it was the same snake, but it looked smaller than the first one. Not wanting it to escape anywhere (under the bed, behind the dresser, etc.) I, um, killed it. With a piece of wood we had for one of our projects that just so happened to be in the room. I feel really bad. And it was really scary. I'll spare you the gross details. But I did save $120.

Fast forward to today. I was driving along happily on the 101 (yes, we have a 101 here too!), thinking that my "bad things" quota had been met for the trip. I mean, seriously? A snake in the house? When all of a sudden, there was a really loud rumble. I was right by the Scottsdale airport, so I thought it was one of those military planes that doesn't have to follow civilian noise regulations. I only know about those from an experience in grad school when we had a military plane fly over our apartment and the noise scared me so much that I believe I jumped in bed with Lindsey, my roommate at the time. Anyway, the noise was getting louder and louder. Was the plane right on top of my car? I tried to look around to see if I could spot it. Then my car started shaking, more and more violently. Finally the lightbulb clicked on - I had a flat tire! It was my first one ever, if that wasn't obvious by my thinking that my flat was a plane. I somehow made it across three lanes of traffic on the busiest freeway in Phoenix. Looking back, I was lucky to have made it over rather easily and I am so thankful that it happened safely. Fortunately we have Roadside Assistance through our insurance, so a nice man came and met me on the shoulder and changed the tire. He wouldn't even let me get out of the car.

Thinking back on all of those awful things, I'm still safe and healthy, and so grateful for that. Alright, my pity party is over. I promise, no more complaining : )


  1. Sugar! I love your blog! I can't even explain in words how much I love reading your stories! Your Pity Party blog had Blake and I laughing out loud and feeling so bad for you. I can't believe snakes and a flat tire! You need another vacation. Hope to see you soon.

  2. Thanks so much - you are too sweet! : D We'll be in CA at Christmastime - hope yo see you then!

  3. Mande! You are hilarious! I'm glad you posted something on FB about this blog because it had me laughing! Two snake sightings would be such a nightmare, I wouldn't even have the guts to kill it (I would have easily spent the $120!). I am so sorry to hear about your misfortunes, but think of it as an adventure whenever your hubby goes out of town. I hope all is well with you!

  4. Ohhhh, thanks, Lis! I did think back to Camp Ronald McDonald and thought that if we could sleep in sleeping bags on top of tarps without even a tent for protection, and nothing bad happened then, I had some hope for being okay on my bed in my house (even with a snake on the loose).


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